Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
