So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
