sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
