Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
