Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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