Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
