Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
