She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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