do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
