wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
