I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
