I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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