Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
