I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
