The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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