i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
