thus making me awesome and them whores
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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