I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
