Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
