i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
