He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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