i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
