i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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