I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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