it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
