Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
