Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
