i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
