We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
