Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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