I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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