ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
