My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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