i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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