Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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