i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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