You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
