I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
