Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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