saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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