Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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