YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
