just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
