9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
