I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is wine microwaveable?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
