Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
