she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
