my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
