can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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