I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
