I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
