You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
