A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
is wine microwaveable?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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