yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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