so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
