FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
