I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
