i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
