Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
