I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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