one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
