I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fuck appropriateness.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
