Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
