Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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