Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Where is the hickey?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
