I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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