Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
