I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
