Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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