How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
