What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
