I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
