ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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