he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's always time for handjobs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
