I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
