I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
